From Grace to Action: 12 post-pandemic self-care tips for caregivers

Caregiver Tips & Hacks, Motivation & Inspiration, Self-Care

Were you a caregiver during the covid pandemic?

Whether you were a healthcare worker, cared for a loved one or friend, or both, I am betting that you are forever changed after having had that experience.

As I sit to write my first blog, I realize how much I have stalled and waited for the perfect topic that I thought would resonate with caregivers the most. Every topic I listed or thought about somehow related to the past three years and the trials and tribulations of the pandemic.

So, here is my brain dump. My thoughts and examples about how the stress of working as a caregiver through the pandemic affected me…and likely affected some of you. I want to share ideas on how we can give ourselves grace, move forward, and take some steps to better care for ourselves…at least better than we likely did over the last few years.

I don’t know about you, but the pandemic changed me. It changed my physical health as well as my emotional health. I had some of my proudest moments as a caregiver during the covid pandemic but I also had many moments of severe stress, sadness, fatigue, and frustration.

If you were a caregiver as your profession and also a caregiver at home, then I know stress took on a whole other meaning for you. I realize not all stress is bad stress and that many people united together, took much pride in their work, and thrived during that time. Some stress was just being constantly busy, “on-call”, or ready to jump in at a moment’s notice. Even if you don’t reflect on that time as negative or stressful, I imagine that when you do reflect on it, you realize it was a period that was lacking in your own self-care. Were you on autopilot, day after day, sometimes giving all you had to help others?

If you are middle-aged and worked through the pandemic while suffering peri-menopausal or menopausal symptoms…God Bless You! How many hot flashes and fogged up glasses did you endure with those masks and gowns on for 8, 10, and 12 hours a day? Having spare scrubs, clothes, and masks became an every day part of life.

Some of us had an army of support around us and some had very little. In a world that was gripped by fear, uncertainty, and illness, many of you had to be the rock for others.

We all have a story from the past few years. Some are stories of joy and some are stories of sadness. Whatever your experience was, I know it was hard to find time to care for yourself like you needed to. Your giving heart was focused on others and you became selfless.

Definition of selfless|self-less /adjective

Concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own; unselfish

Now that the dust has settled some, and maybe you have a little more room to breathe, you can find your way back to your own self-care. There are many caregivers that are still stuck with neurological dysregulation, the sympathetic nervous system “fight or flight” response from the events of the past few years. Anxiety, hypersensitivity, poor sleep, high stress hormones, brain fog, dizziness, or depression. This happened to me. My anxious mind slowed down when the world opened back up, but my body was still in stress mode, full of cortisol and high stress hormones that affected my daily life.

I hope these tips will help you find your way back to giving yourself the care you deserve. See if any resonate with you and start with what feels good to you.

Tip #1 Let it Go. Give yourself the gift of Grace.

If you did any, or all, of these things over the past 3 years and beat yourself up over it, today is the day you let that go! It was stressful. It was hard. You survived it and being hard on yourself is not serving you. You did the best you could with what you knew and the resources you had at the time. Do you relate to any of these statements?

You gave someone covid and they became very ill or died.
A loved one died and you somehow felt responsible.
You had anger and resentment about mask policies, vaccines, government, or the media and spent too much time thinking about or arguing about it (no matter what side you were on).
You realized that some of your favorite people had very different views, values, and morals during the pandemic than you and you cut some ties…intentionally or unintentionally as a result.
You hurt people with your words or actions out of pure exhaustion or frustration.
You were short-tempered with a loved one or a patient.
You developed unhealthy coping strategies to deal with your stress (drinking, smoking, shopping, or eating too much)
You had to put a loved one in a facility because it got too hard to care for them.
You gave healthcare staff a hard time because you couldn’t visit your loved one in a facility.
You were not the best spouse or parent because you had no energy.
You didn’t get to say what you wanted to say to a loved one or friend and they passed from covid.
Things easily triggered you.
You treated loved ones and patients better than yourself and your health suffered for it.
You lost your job.
You felt isolated or alone.
You agonized over a loved one being isolated or alone.
You got depressed or suffered with anxiety.

Do any of these speak to you? I raised my hand on many.

Maybe some of these resonate with you and you are still holding onto some anger or resentment. Maybe you feel validated and it is still a thorn in your side that is stealing your peace. I want to encourage you to find a way to let it go. Forgive yourself and forgive others. You can forgive them without them even knowing about it. If the thoughts still stir something up in you, then maybe it hasn’t been released.

Action: If you need to have closure with any person because you still think about something that happened over the past few years…then do it. Expect nothing in return. Just release that weight. “Bob, I know I was a real ass during the pandemic. It was a stressful time while I was taking care of my mom and I wasn’t always my best self. I apologize if I did or said anything that hurt you.” BAM, it’s done.

Write an email, text, or call. Anything is better than nothing. If you aren’t ready, then try writing a letter but don’t send it. Just get it all out on paper. If you were the one who was hurt, then rant in writing and get it all off your chest. It is very therapeutic. Then you can toss it, burn it, or hold onto it. Sending it probably won’t help matters if you are still angry!

Tip #2. Be kind to yourself.

If you think you have residual trauma from any events that occurred during the pandemic, then seek help. If you need counseling, there is no shame in seeking assistance from a professional. It also would not be a bad idea to see your doctor for baseline bloodwork if you haven’t already. As you know, our hormones are changing in middle age and stress hormones can wreak havoc on our systems, causing all sorts of inflammation in our bodies. Start with your PCP or ob/gyn and see if they will run thorough labs on you including hormone testing. Some of them will. I am a huge advocate for functional medicine doctors. They will test all the baseline bloodwork and check hormones, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, etc. They will get to the bottom of what is causing your symptoms if you don’t feel yourself. If they tell you that your symptoms of peri-menopause, menopause, or stress are normal for middle-aged women or moms and that you just have to get through it, then find a different doctor. The only downside is that functional med docs do not usually accept insurance. It can be pricey but, if you are able to see one, they will help you get answers. It is worth the expense.

Tip #3 Move. Exercise in some way for 30 minutes a day.

I know, I know, this is a common recommendation. But it is really effective in lowering stress and improving health. Find the time of day that you have the energy or time but make this a non-negotiable. Make this part of your daily routine and soon enough you won’t want to miss a day. Even if it’s an early morning walk…weights, cardio, Hiit class, yoga, spin, hike, dance…you find your thing.

Tip #4. Schedule one health appointment every month until you are caught up.

Or take one whole day and schedule them all. We are talking dental cleaning, eye appointment, mammogram, physical, dermatology. Cross them all off your list. It will feel good to know you took care of your health needs. You will no longer have to worry about that dark spot on your cheek or that sharp pain in your abdomen. Go get a clean bill of health. And if they find something, you can take steps to address it. Your subconscious mind is very powerful and you may be surprised that by taking care of these appointments you can reduce anxiety and improve mindset.

Tip #5. Give up one thing that doesn’t serve you for 30 days.

You will be surprised at how good it will feel after a week or so to have control over this! Could be drinking soda, alcohol, sweets, fast food, binging Netflix, or doomscrolling on your phone. After 30 days you can decide if you are better off not reintroducing it into your life. You may be surprised at how easy it is to let something go after not having it for 30 days.

Tip #6. Pick one thing that you have always wanted to do or learn and set up a session.

There are likely classes in your area or you can do an online course. You might find some free info on YouTube as well. Some ideas:

Charcuterie board class
Guitar or singing lessons
Run a 5k
Paint or draw
Paddleboard
Crochet
Gym
Gardening
Start a side business
Sell something on Etsy
Write a book or blog
Cooking class
Tennis or pickleball
Ballroom dancing
Join church choir
Learning to meditate
Start journaling

Tip #7. Drink more water.

Take care of your hydration! Shoot for 64oz a day minimum. Some experts recommend half your body weight in ounces but 64oz is still a nice place to start. The water bottles that are already 64oz and have water tracker marks on them are great because you can track how much you are drinking. They are easy to find on Amazon. It is hard to get in your daily water intake by taking sips. You really need to focus on gulps. I like water but don’t love it. Getting enough water is hard for me. When I take a drink, I take about 5-7 gulps of water at a time and then I usually get it all in.

Tip #8. Add one new good habit that you can do daily.

Something that will make you feel good. Hot tea in the evening, put on special lotion, walk the dog, floss, take vitamins, good facewashing and moisturizer, meditate, read. You may have heard of habit stacking. That means to add a new habit immediately following a habit you already have. For example, if you want to be better about taking vitamins after you brush your teeth, you could put the vitamins in a cup next to your toothbrush to remind yourself to do it after brushing.

Tip #9. Stay connected to people.

The pandemic brought some people close but isolated many. Reach out to a friend or family member daily. It can be as little as sending a heart emoji, a meme, a voice recorded message, or a phone call. Just let someone know you are thinking about them. Of course a call is the most personal, but anything you send would be appreciated and build connection.

Tip #10. Organize one thing weekly.

It could be a shelf in a closet or one dresser drawer. It does not have to require a lot of time and effort but organization and decluttering helps improve mood and lowers anxiety.

Tip #11. Have a morning ritual of reading or journaling.

Even if you spend only 10 minutes in a quiet space. It is a great way to start your day instead of bombarding your brain with social media images or checking email. Find a quiet and clutter-free space in your home where you can have a little time to yourself. This might only be possible for you if you get up a little earlier, but having a morning routine has really helped me start my day in a more peaceful way.

Tip #12. Light a candle.

A nice fragrant burning candle just creates a soothing atmosphere and helps boost your mood, while also calming your mind. I like to light a candle while I’m doing my morning reading. It’s a nice little calming ritual I do while I drink my coffee. Maybe you like to light candles throughout the day or even use essential oils in a diffuser.

It may seem difficult to add more to your plate when you are trying to reduce stress and care for yourself. But these small steps added into (or back into) your life are a huge step towards self-care and healing. I designed a 60-day caregiver reset program for anyone interested in a more structured program to reboot your physical and emotional health. I have done it for myself when I need a reset or feel stressed or anxious. It somehow gives a feeling of structure, routine, peace, and control, which is very empowering.

I wish the best for you and hope you will try some of these tips, starting with giving yourself grace. The world needs you…the healthiest version of you. This is the same concept the airlines promote that you need to “put your oxygen mask on first” before you help others. This is because you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot serve others if you are sick or depleted. When you feel healthy and strong, then you have enough left over to help others.

Thank you for your caregiver heart ♥

Love,

Heather